Of Fish Fingers and Custard
by Impossible for you all
Summary: Amy finds the Doctor eating fish custard, after he promised her he wouldn't. And where do converses and bananas come into this?


It had just been one of those days. One where everything went horrendously wrong. The Doctor had promised me swaying mountains; I got mountains with fire pouring down the side. That's right, liquid fire. I guess that's just what you have to expect when travelling with a nine hundred odd year old man and his even older time travelling, inter-dimensional ship. The TARDIS rumbled in apprehension. Gods, I always forget that she's a living thing.

"Sorry, old girl. You know I love you" I whispered to her, putting my hand gently on the console. I could almost feel her smile at me. I hadn't slept in over three days, and yet I wasn't tired. I guess it must just be the continuous adrenaline rushes that I seem to be getting. They don't really have time as such on the TARDIS, everything stretches into one, and we just have to adjust to whatever time she lands at on whatever planet. I may not be tired, but my god I was hungry. The annoying thing was that since the doctor had just changed, or regenerated as he called it, he was still in his "wear in" period. Basically, he was still trying to get used to everything in this new body. And that meant weird food galore. I couldn't even go into the kitchen, for I feared that every time I did I'd come face to face with another soy sauce-strawberry sundae. However, I guess one good thing had come of it. I had managed to convince him never to eat the fish custard again. The look on his face when I asked him that was priceless.

"But…but why?" he gasped, his eyes wide in sheer horror. "Never eat fish custard again? I couldn't possibly. I can't and I wont, I refuse!" he crossed his arms defiantly and stared at me. I had half expected him to stamp his foot, like the over grown three year old he was.

"Yeah but think about it Doctor, whenever I see fish custard, I think of the fourteen years I waited for you. I think of all the hurtful memories….." I trailed off, with a sad expression in my voice and a hurt look on my face. This wasn't true of course, well not mostly. It did hurt; ill admit that, but not nearly as much as I was letting on. Being a kiss gram did mean that my acting skills were _impeccable._ A different look came over his defiant face, one of remorse and understanding.

"Oh Amy, I didn't think. I'm sorry. I swear-" he held his fingers in a three finger salute like you would at guides or scouts, "to not eat fish custard" I grinned at him

"Thank you Doctor" I hugged him to show my appreciation.

"Your very welcome, Pond" he squeezed me back.

Maybe I could try to venture into the kitchen again. After all, I might be lucky and find something vaguely edible…. I took my feet off the console and stood up. Stretching my arms above my head, I groaned slightly as I felt my back click. Note to self, sitting for hours in the same position after running for your life is not a good idea. Not in the slightest. I started to head slowly in the general direction of the kitchen. I still didn't have the TARDIS entirely mapped out, so I decided that I would just wonder down at leisure. No point in rushing when you have all of time. Humming slightly to myself, I turned another corner, only to hear a gigantic crash from somewhere not too far of, followed by slightly maniacal laughter. Oh. Shit. The Doctor had been at the sugar again. Christ, that man, time-lord, whatever he is, is such a three year old! An overgrown, adorable, funny, sexy three year old. Wait, did I just think sexy? He is NOT sexy. Well, actually he rather is… no, no, and NO! I can't think that! But on the other hand, that bow tie is somewhat cute….AMY POND STOP RIGHT THERE! You love RORY. You are getting MARRIED in the morning. This was an argument I had with myself on a daily basis. Moreover, as always my mind had come to the same conclusion; I may be getting married in the morning, but morning was a very VERY long way away. I shook my head to clear it of the confused thoughts and turned my attention back to the matter at hand. The Doctor plus sugar is a very bad thing. The last time he "discovered" it, we had ended up at the spear point of an Amazonian tribe, while all he did was ramble on, in a quicker fashion than usual if that is even possible, about string theory and how delightful the strings are. I think one of the sentences he came out with was:

"Oh and you just simple have to see them dance Amy! Oh, it is delightful! You see, they're strings so they're very flexible and graceful and just the most fascinating thing to watch. They're not half flexible when it comes to-oof" I had elbowed him in the stomach to shut him up at that point. I pelted full tilt to the source of the noise. I skidded to a halt in the doorway and watched for a second. He was dancing round the kitchen table, a banana in one hand and a pot of nutella in the other. The Doctor had told me before that he had had a fetish of sorts for bananas in his last body, and it obviously hadn't stopped. And was he…singing? Yes, yes he was.

"_Oh banana sandwiches are tasty,_

'_specially when you eat them for your tea,_

_Bread, and chocolate spread,_

_That's how banana's aught to be."_

He spun, his arms outstretched and his head tilted back to the ceiling. He thrust the banana into the chocolate and took a huge bit almost as if to punctuate the song.

"But do you know what is even better than nutella and bananas, my girl?" he asked, to what I thought was me, but then I realised that he was speaking to the TARDIS. In the haze that was the kitchen, he hadn't noticed I was there. In addition, that suited me fine, this was amazing black mail material for late. Moreover, he was adorable when he was insane. He had jived to the other side of the room the remove something from the red aga, still humming. As he did so, I glanced around the rest of the room, assessing it now, as I knew I'd be the one that ended up cleaning it. There was food wherever you looked. It was as if Tesco had boarded the TARDIS, made its way to the kitchen and then just chundered EVERYWHERE. Something sticky dripped from the ceiling onto my nose, and as I looked up in disgust, I saw that it was a smashed jar of jam just stuck there. I didn't even want to know. Glancing fearfully around the rest of the trashed room, I noticed it. A big blue bowl, of what was distinctly custard. And when there was the Doctor and custard, there just had to be-

"Aha! Perfect! Bravissimo! Fish fingers! More specifically, my lovely TARDIS, fish fingers dipped in-" he ran over to the other side of the room and grabbed the blue bowl "custard! You can't have fish fingers without custard!" he scooped up copious of the yellow substance with the fish grasped in his hand and sucked on it appreciatively. I think this was my queue to intervene before things got any worse.

Leaning against the doorframe, I folded my arms and hooked one of my ankles over the other. I cleared my throat loudly. He didn't miss that. Spinning quickly he looked at me like a rabbit caught in the headlights. He had one arm around the bowl of custard and the other was bent up towards his face, the half-eaten fish finger paused just before his open mouth.

"You know Doctor," I said, as I walked slowly towards him, still glaring with my arms crossed. "I thought we had _broken_ this little habit of yours…" I pursed my lips at him. His mouth opened and closed as he grasped for something to say. He looked like a fish. And a cute fish at that.

"Yes, Amy….hi. Um…you know they're really quite tasty if you'd just try one….." he tried frantically to save the situation, and stepped towards me with the finger out stretched, as if he wanted me to eat it. In your dreams, buddy boy.

"Ohhhh no, you come one more inch closer to me with that thing and I _will_ rip off your testicals, or whatever alien equivalent you have. " I put my hands up and smartly took a step away from him, and the offending item of food. He smirked at this, and his eyes lit up as he saw my weakness.

"Scared of a little fish custard, Pond?" he asked slyly, grinning like the annoying person he was. "Give you daleks and weeping angels and your fine. But a little fish custard and nooo! You're quivering in your high-tops." He glanced down my figure to my red low top all stars. "Or should I say low tops….." he shuddered at them. My anger flared.

"Got a problem with my footwear choice, Doctor?" I asked, almost daring him to insult them. I had a thing for converses, and no one, especially not the raggedy Doctor was going to insult them.

"Not a problem, per say…..just they're not really my thing. Well, not this me, I should say. The last me loved them, but then again, the last me also hated cats which to be honest is a completely irrational thing seeing as they are really lovely-, "I cut him off there as I could see that otherwise he would be off for days.

"Doctor! The here and now, if that's not too much to ask!" I snapped.

"Ah yes, back to the present. Anyway, on the note of irrational fears, Miss Pond, it is you," he pointed the fish finger, still slathered in custard at me, "have an irrational fear of fish custard that….." he trailed off. And I did not respond. We were both too busy watching the massive globule of custard fly off the end of the fish that he was still waving about become air born. We were too busy watching it soar straight through the air, across the kitchen and land slap bang in the middle of….

"My converses!" I screamed. "You got fecking CUSTARD on my converses!"

He gaped at me, shocked and was he…..giggling? Yes, yes he was. He started to vibrate with withheld laughter, before finally letting it out. He was hysterical, so much so that he had to lean against the sideboards of the kitchen for support. So much so, that he didn't notice me walk up to him, pick up the bowl of custard that he had left on the table, and raise it above my head. Then he noticed, and sobered up quite quickly, may I add.

"Now, Amy, lets not do anything we might regret" he stammered, one eye on me and one on the large blue bowl teetering precariously in my hands. His arms were raised slightly, ready to protect himself if necessary.

"Oh, I wouldn't regret it Doctor. You got custard on my converses. If you hadn't noticed, my converses are red, which mean that this stuff" I shook the bowl slightly, making him flinch "is going to make a nice big brown stain on my left toe. You should know something about me Doctor. Never" I could almost feel my eyes flashing at him. "Ever, touch the shoes" and with that, I tipped the bowl, and all of its content over his head. His indignant shriek was priceless. I dropped the bowl and ran, while he was still shocked. I knew I'd need all the head start I could get. I had barely made it down the corridor before I heard him bellow

"POND!"

I laughed outright at that. The always-dignified Doctor had bellowed.

"AMELIA POND YOU ARE IN FOR ONE HULLUVA MESS WHEN I CATCH UP WITH YOU!"

Crap, he didn't sound that far behind me. Desperate, I dove into the first room I saw.

"Oh you have GOT to be kidding me…." I groaned as I saw the contents of the room. It was filled from top to bottom, with open cans of custard and empty crates. I turned to a wall, and swallowed my pride.

"Girl? Will you help me? After all, he did get custard on my converses…" I whispered, laying on hand on the ship. She thrummed, in what I was certain was agreement. I grinned.

"All right then, let's go to war."


End file.
